There certainly isn’t a dearth of “Year End” and/or “Best of” lists to be found out there. However, given this is how I got my start on TMF and I self-righteously believe my opinion matters more than most; I bring you my favorite albums of 2012.
I’m so fucking stoked this show is coming back on the air. this shit was a staple in my childhood and during college summers where we would drink and watch the killer lineup on NICK GAS (games and sports) where it went LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE, then GLOBAL GUTS, then FIGURE IT OUT, then back to mofuckin’ GLOBAL GUTS.
shit was fire.
Anyway besides the Kordell stewart cllip on our newsfeed,
There was this fuckin’ kid with a bull cut who claimed to be the rodeo sheep riding champion and spent the whole episode laughing at Mike O’Malley for not guessing his “talent” So he gets on his stupid ass sheep at the end of the episode and BAM, kid gets owned:
Figure YOUR shit out, you failure.
Back when nobody read us, we had some pretty fire articles. on days when everybody seems to be suckin’ their own at their day job, we’ll throw some up there for the new fans. as NBC once said, “if you haven’t seen it, it’s new to you!”
Wait, NBC sucks now? forget that last part.
Back in the day, there was a little something called embarrassment.
This has disappeared in the modern company restroom, where age 30+ dudes have no remorse for unleashing massive, 45 minute shits while going full volume on their iPhone Fast and Furious racing app. Guys who walk around with their gut out, rubbin’ dick and rolling their fat ass down the hallways like a fuckin’ MXC obstacle.
I guess that’s the door prize for giving up on life; not giving a shit unless it’s in the toilet.
Nah, back in the DAY, you had the NRB (No Reason Boner). Nothing made sense during puberty. Girls started messin’ with your head, teachers started grading on a scale larger than Excellent or Satisfactory, that giant Garfield shirt you had was somehow getting poked fun of. You were in SSR, you were sustained, you were silent, you were Re—, Shit! Suddenly you have a boner so strong-willed and adventurous they could have made a Pixar movie out of it. If I didn’t have something grounded to hang onto it would have taken me out to space.
NRB’s are no joke. Guys never got the “Acute” angle wrong in geometry cause that’s how we had to sit every time the NRB erupted. I can’t imagine what people do today, with all those tight clothes. Boner just gets stuck in whatever position it shoots into. Got a generation of kids with zig zaggin’ dicks probably.
The best part about the no reason boner was the half-stock. It must have felt like when man discovered how to control fire. If you didn’t sit there one day making your dick go up and down, you weren’t a true pubescent boy. Suddenly the dick became a weapon. A tool to conquer, to write with, to carry on through life. I miss those days. Nowadays when I get a boner, I know why. Sigh.
When you put it all together, No reason, is actually a great reason to get a boner.
This ESPN commercial got me thinking. Everyone knows someone who has made some crazy-ass sports bet they had to follow through on. We mock and praise them at the same time for being a man and following through with the bet … Or just mock them, but whatever.
My favorite comes to light once a year. Los Juggernaut and one of our best friends have a life-time standing bet on the yearly USC vs. Notre Dame college football game. Loser has to do the Polar Bear plunge on New Year’s Day in Newport, R.I. Los Juggernaut obviously cheers for the good guys aka Notre Dame and our buddy likes that bunch’a cheatahs in Southern Cal.
But the bet is growing. This was only the second year they did it, but the stakes are literally being raised by the day. First the loser just had to do the swim. Pretty shitty to go one hundred yards into the blistering cold ocean when the water temp is about 40 degrees. Then they decided they would have to wear the opposing teams jersey. Sounds pretty good to me. That’s fair, right?
Bu what did they do? They took it even further.
Now the loser has to wear the other teams jersey the whole week between Christmas and New Year’s. These kids are mental. Hardcore sports fans don’t get any better. Or do they?
We want to hear your best bets/ craziest stories.
I’ll tell you what, if that sack of shit team the Giants makes it to the superbowl against the Pats, I’ll make a bet with anyone who proposes one.***
***I wrote this blog on Friday, and I’ll stick to my word. So please…if you are serious about a bet I want to fucking hear it. Please submit your bet in the comments section or send to toomuchfire@gmail.com.
Rules for the bets I would take:
1. You must be a REAL Giants fan, not a loser bandwagon Jets fan.
2. I’ll fucking do anything short of hurting myself so bring it bitches.
3. We need to have some sort of shake/agreement.
STAY. HOT.
After Slap Chop, Sham Wow and beating up hookers who bite his tounge didn’t work out well for him, Vince Shlomi is back with “Schticky.” At first I thought there was no way this could be real but it looks legit. Plus they have a website, so I’m going to go ahead and say this is for real. Highlighted lines?
“Problem with that shedding pussy?” (0:22)
“Oh you’re playing with your schticky, I’m sorry” (0:48)
Even making fun of his own arrest at one point? Did Vince give up trying to replace Billy Mays? Personally I’m glad to see Vince embracing that this is all he will ever be good for — selling products that no one really wants or need but incompetent hillbillies are sure they need. Good for you Vince. This is truly your best work yet — Merry Schtickying!
PS – since when is he going by Vince Offer? You’re not fooling anyone pal.
In 2010, surf filmmaker Taylor Steele came up with an idea: Independent filmmakers composing their own vision of the perfect surf clip. Their people, their places, their styles — let viewers vote on who’s best — winner gets $100,000.
Any filmmaker/surfer duo could submit their creation — it was like the Oklahoma land rush but for surfing videos instead of federally confiscated land.
Last year’s winner was the unknown 21-year-old from Maui, Matt Meola. Filmed and directed by Elliot Leboe of ACL Digital Cinema.
Now, as it turns out, Matt Meola was who I voted for last year. Most of it had to do with a Maui bias but nonetheless, it proves I’m in-tune when it comes to surf clips. This year, I’ve developed a 5-part criteria to guide my TMF-sponsored vote.
1. Song: Subjective? Irrelevant? Unfair? Sure — those are all valid assertions. But you need to take a listen before you watch a surf clip for this reason: No matter how rad a clip may be, a bad song can ruin it. A good song, however, makes you want to watch the clip over and over again.
2. Location/Waves: Everyone who watches a surf clip needs to be wowed. You want them to ask, “Where is that!?!”
3. Surfer/Maneuvers: These days, guys do stuff in surf videos that’s just stupid (stupid meaning “How the fuck can he do that?”; in reality, they land those back-flip aerials once every 4 or 5 tries, if that). A good surf clip needs a mixture of rights and lefts, cutbacks, barrel rides, and grommet-style airs to show the spectrum of the surfer’s abilities. You also need a few crashes, busts, wipe-outs, etc. to show the size of the surfer’s balls.
4. Production: This involves camera angles, editing, cut-aways, special effects, and a whole lot of other shit I don’t know about because I’m not a film guy (although I’m TMF’s unofficial Hollywood film critic). The main thing here is the production should be impressive, bu it shouldn’t infringe on the surfing.
5. Skit: If they try to fit a skit in there, it better be damn funny or damn meaningful. It’s usually not worth the risk – hokey surf humor is something of the past.
So who were my favorites?
Harley Ingleby — Longboard, shortboard, wooden board, whatever. Ingleby took a fresh approach, proving he can rip on any board you hand him. Song “Sail” by Awolnation.
Hank Gaskell — Maui bias? Yeah. But his clip also reminds me of my favorite thing: surfing fast waves on sunny days in clear blue water. Song “Don’t Move” by Phantogram.
Peter Devries — A finalist last year, Devries is one of the best again. What’s the difference with Devries? He does 360 airs wearing a 6:4 wetsuit at breaks you’ve never heard of in Canada. Song “Avec Mes Mecs” by Humans.
Directed by Jeremy Koreski.
TMF’S 2011 INNERSCTION VOTE GOES TO PETER DEVRIES OF TOFINO, BRITISH COLUMBIA. PAY THE MAN HIS $100,000.
Check out Devries’ clip from last year:
Peter Devries’ 2010 Innersection clip.
Here we are kiddos, the best 25 albums of 2011. It has been a while since the first edition with pesky things like Christmas and work getting in the way, however you can conveniently catch up with albums no. 50-26 here.
In this post, each album includes a review (a link is included in the album’s title) and a stand-out track. So, sit back and enjoy the best this past year in music had to offer.
Part Duex 25-1
25. A$AP Rocky – Live. Love. A$AP
“Out of this World”
24. The Antlers – Burst Apart
“I Don’t Want Love”
23. Yuck – Yuck
“Get Away”
22. Jay-Z/Kanye West – Watch the Throne
“Otis”
21. Cults – Cults
“Abducted”
20. Washed Out –Within and Without
“Before”
19. Gang Gang Dance – Eye Contact
“Glass Jar”
18. Panda Bear – Tom Boy
“Slow Motion”
17. Pains of Being Pure at Heart – Belong
“Heart in Your Heartbreak”
16. The Weeknd – House of Balloons
“Wicked Games”
15. Cut Copy – Zonoscope
“Take Me Over”
14. Kurt Vile – Smoke Ring for My Halo
“In My Time”
13. tUnE-yArDs – w h o k i l l
“My Country”
12. Shabazz Palaces – Black Up
“Swerve… the Reeping of All That is Worthwhile (Noir Not Withstanding)”
11. Destroyer – Kaputt
“Chinatown”
10. Fucked Up – David Comes to Life
9. St. Vincent – Strange Mercy
“Surgeon”
8. Atlas Sound – Parallax
“Te Amo”
7. Real Estate – Days
“It’s Real”
6. Fleet Foxes – Helplessness Blues
“Helplessness Blues”
5. Girls – Father, Son, Holy Ghost
“My Ma”
4. James Blake – James Blake
“Limit to Your Love”
3. PJ Harvey – Let England Shake
“Written on the Forehead”
2. Bon Iver – Bon Iver
“Holocene”
1. M83 – Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming
“Midnight City”