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Tuesday Morning Gyration – ACE POWER

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July 24, 2012
fan mail, shit I just discovered...
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So, there aren’t too many words for this video. Here is what I can tell you: it cost like 26,000 yen? or whatever symbol that is? If someone can translate this video I’ll buy them one of these Ace Power crotch machines.

The Koreans must be really bad at fucking. But I guess they are trying to disguise this as a horse riding machine? Good cover guys. I wish this combined a means of transportation and a workout. Can you picture me gyrating down the streets of New York City on this thing?

“Don’t mind me! Just goin to get a coffee!”

STAY GYRATIN’

shout out to Tim the link master for the link.

PETA has a kid brother?

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February 22, 2012
"news", fan mail
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inconspicuous surveillance drone....

So apparently PETA has a kid brother in Illinois called SHARK (SHowing Animals Respect and Kindness) that made some news headlines. They were flying a drone to see if hunters were treating animals respectfully in South Carolina. Hmm…. So are the hillbillies killing animals kindly? Is the bullet going through the pigeon respectfully? I really don’t know what these people were expecting to find or prove by this stunt – honestly its probably just good for them that none of their own people were shot during this experiment. Know the saying “don’t get between a lion and his prey”? Yeah well don’t get between a hunter and the shit he is trying to shoot.

How much must it suck to be overshadowed by PETA though? Like if your life dream is to be a hippie environmentalist and human rights activist who has nothing better to do than harass normal humans – why not just join PETA? You have to go out a start your own group that isn’t even a true acronym? The least you could do in between bong rips is come up with words to represent all the letters of the word. For example: Showing Helpless Animals Respect and Kindness. Was that so hard? This is why no one takes your little nature club seriously – You can’t even come up with an acronym that makes sense. And maybe choosing the king of the ocean that treats seals like chewing gum isn’t the best mascot. Again – why could you assholes just not have joined PETA? Their acronym isn’t even an acronym, they aren’t trying to fool anyone.  And then I would only have to hate one activist group. I hope the droid cost SHARK this year’s entire budget based on everyone’s $20 membership fee and one of the hillbillies has it mounted on his wall next to an endangered bird.

If we can start an activist group that doesn’t need an acronym that means something – Pharro and I are starting FUATA – Fuck You Animals Taste Awesome. Who’s with us? I know Puff Daddy is…

 

This video is also meant to help those choosing between PETA and SHARK – your choosing between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Good luck with the life decisions.

Thanks to Tim for the link

 

 

the perfect woman video…

By
February 10, 2012
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You know those lame dumbass videos about what people say? Yeah I know cho_kettie wrote about them but this one is different.

Let this one take you into the weekend.

“I made you a sandwich!”

Thanks to Tim for the link, bringin the Friday heat. Just like last week. Keep ‘em comin’.

Defiantly not sexist. Or it is, I’m not sure I give a shit though. The ONLY one that really captures what the title says.

Stay hot.

the friday cinnamon challenge

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February 3, 2012
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If this doesn’t make you feel better about it being Friday then nothing will. The Cinnamon Challenge  is for the birds … GloZell is the real fucking deal. The Cinnamon Ladle Challenge is where it’s at.

“The search for the best internet video is over….”  Thanks to Tim for the link.

Stay Hot…but also with a full Brita on deck just in case the ladle of cinnamon doesn’t go as planned.

recruiting clayton

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December 13, 2011
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So I’m making my way through the ol’ TMF mailbag late last night, mostly to see all the new friends who’ve jumped on board from the social networks (thank you, by the way), and something caught my eye:

————— Original Message —————

Hello. tmf here from toomuchfire.com. We’d like John Clayton to do a weekly power rankings for our website to generate more traffic. We think he’s basically fucking shakespeare and want him on staff. We won’t pay him, but I think the satisfaction of being reactionary and obvious to a whole new audience is payment enough. Please let us know.

Thanks!

TMF

I’m guessing toomuchfire sent this highly sarcastic e-mail to ESPN in one of his late-night Adderall binges. But despite our best recruiting efforts, you wouldn’t expect ESPN to actually respond to some jackass like him, right?

Wrong. From the looks of it, this is the job of the ESPinterns.

Hello,

Thank you for your e-mail.

We appreciate you taking the time to write and share your thoughts with us. We have shared your comments with the appropriate personnel for their review and consideration.

Sincerely,

Sean J.
ESPN Viewer Response

Great news. Looks like I’ll be getting the creative brief ready for our new “power rankings” segment. Bravo, sir.

reader e-mail — would you live with this guy?

By
November 30, 2011
fan mail
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Future Roomate KD is a good friend and an avid TMF reader. We call her “Future Roommate” because she was supposed to live with me but we have since parted ways. The name stays so…it is what it is.

She usually hooks me up with hot-fire jams and interesting life stories about herself. We have both been going through the roommate/apartment search bullshit together. This one if pure fire. She sends me an email she got from a guy responding to her Craigslist ad looking for a 3rd roommate. Needless to say, he wont be living with them.

“Ounce of schwag? For 200? Is that a fair price you’re quoting me there, sir?” – Larry David

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