ESPN is a pretty arrogant company, and I don’t really care because they run shit a lot better than most networks. But man, they must think fantasy baseball players have nothing better to fucking do than check lineups and scores at every hour of the day.

First of all, you draft like eight million players for each team.

Fuck, I probably could gotten Floyd at 302nd.

The draft lasts fucking forever, and then once it’s over the real work begins, trolling the schedule to make sure you sub in guys who randomly sit out or closer rotation or meeting innings limits, or DAMN I JUST GOT FIRED FOR THIS.

Fantasy sports has had a pretty negative impact on my life. It got me suspended in high school and it’s made me a total of about .00002 cents an hour considering how much time I’ve put into it. But whatever, it’s fun. Better than like, finding a passion or something…

Here’s my solution: ESPN needs to make a better app, cause their app sucks, and also make it so that everybody who isn’t playing is automatically subbed in for someone that is. This isn’t laziness, we just want to keep our day jobs. Just make it so I can draft, plug, and check once a day to see how I’m doing.

Too much to ask ESPN? For sure not.

By the way, my kickass team name comes from one of the best SNL 5-1′s of all time. Check it out.