If only we had gotten the message out sooner, suicide bear might still be alive
Got a bunch of bad feels and don’t know where to turn?
There is still hope.
the TMF SUICIDE POOL is way better than actually committing suicide. think of it as jumping off a ledge into a nice, yummy pool of jello, mixed with basketball and some illiterate college kids.
Here are the reasons why the suicide pool will beat real suicide any day of er week.
1. Although both acts are technically illegal, only suicide is a mortal sin in the eyes of GOD. plus nobody goes to jail for march madness, but if you commit suicide you go to HELL.
2. You can always commit real suicide after playing in the suicide pool, but you can’t do the other way around.
3. If you succeed in the suicide pool you get a bunch of money! If you succeed in real suicide, you get a bunch of stupid flowers.
4. If you tell your friends about the suicide pool and they don’t listen, you can be like, “LOOK AT ME SUCKAS, I JUST WON A SHIT TON O’MONEYS WITHOUT CHU” but if you tell your friends about committing suicide and they don’t listen, they’re probably going to feel like shit.
I’m sure your office or whatever local blog you go to is running some lame ass bracket pool where the winner comes down to whether or not you picked 3 or 4 of the final four teams correctly, (btw, the scoring of most brackets is WHACK. it’s like family feud. the last round points completely negate all previous rounds) and i’m sure you will inevitably lose to some random person’s mom who doesn’t know dick about basketball, but fear not.
There is a way out.
TMF is known for doing things differently, and March Madness is no exception.
behold, the 2012 MARCH MADNESS SUICIDE POOL.
First three rounds of last year's suicide pool.
The concept is the same as any other survivor/suicide pool you’ve entered over the years. You pick teams to win each round, and if they win, you move on. if you lose, you’re out.
however, there is a TON of strategy that goes into this particular set-up.
For each round of March Madness, you are required to pick a certain amount of teams to win AND you cannot pick a team more than once.
round one: 4 teams.
round two: 2 teams.
round three: 2 teams
round four: 1 team
round five: 1 team
round six: 1 team
So, there are a litany of options at play.
round one, for instance. you could play it safe, take all four #1 seeds against four #16s to pretty much guarantee you move on to round two. in that case, you’d be doing better than Kline (pictured above) did last year. OR you could get risky, take some 5 seeds in round one, saving your top seeds for later, and hope for a chalk tourney. remember, the key is not only to survive, but to also have enough available teams to pick in later rounds. If Kentucky is playing UNC in the finals and you picked both teams in earlier rounds, you’re shit out of luck.
The Buy-in:
$20 each. Send us an email of interest in our tips section or an email to toomuchfire@gmail.com and we will give you proper place to send money to.
We will also provide an email for which you send your picks in before each round.
The Pay-Out:
Suicide is winner-take-all. However, if by the final round we have more than one team left standing, here’s what happens:
actually, we will give the players an option to split half the money and have a series of props (total score, largest lead, number of players in double figures) to determine who gets the remaining sum.
Brackets come out this Sunday. Money and picks are due by before the first game on Thursday, March 15th. (we don’t count the play-in games)
