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television

Cartoon Network turns 20

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October 6, 2012
cartoons, television
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October 1, 2012 marks the 20 year anniversary for Cartoon Network. And If you’re anywhere near my age, Cartoon Network probably played a vital role in your childhood. I used to wake up at like, 5:30am on Saturdays and watch Cartoon Network on my parents tiny little tv, in their room, using my dad’s old school(then wayyy out of style) headphones so I wouldn’t wake anyone up. My parents, dead asleep at 5:30am, and me, a five year-old kid sitting two feet away from the television watching Wile E. Coyote chase that little purple Roadrunner through the desert… stifling my laughter as various ACME explosives lit up the small dark room.

sigh.

Cartoon Network put together a short music video, with the help of some notable music artists – Diplo, RiffRaff, Rusko – to pay tribute to the channel’s iconic history. In it you will see characters from almost every cartoon you watched as a child, from Fred Flintstone to Johnny Bravo. Nostalgia is the name of the game. Enjoy.

how i met your mother sucks

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September 11, 2012
television
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see this pic? this was the chick i was creeping on while you were all sitting around bitching about your relationships

I know I’m not going to make many friends with this hit-job, seeing as the CBS lamestream rom-com ‘How I Met Your Mother‘ gets like 15 zillion viewers a night even when they’re airing shitty re-runs, but I can’t take it anymore.

In case you don’t have a television, HIMYM (yeah, this acronym sucks but the chances of me typing the show’s name out repeatedly are less than me finishing this article without destroying my workstation a la panda below) is your run-of-the-mill situational comedy about the fake problems, trials and tribulations of NYC thirty-somethings and the totally sheltered life they live that revolves around working (i think?), sitting around at a bar doing a lot of cheers-ing but not drinking, bitching about relationships and debating the inner philosophy of pick-ups or something.

my usual reaction to the question ‘hey did you watch how i met your mother last night?’

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Bear Grylls vs. Jeremy Wade

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July 17, 2012
opines, television
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The two juggernauts of an otherwise pretty slackjaw’d Animal Planet/Discover Channel lineup. Is there room for two outdoor shows on a cable platform that is becoming increasingly diluted by 16-year-old pregnant girls debating with their baby-daddies about what they’re going to name the next one? I think yes, yes there is plenty of goddamn room..but apparently there isn’t. Like any situation involving two greats on a single platform, it’s time we decide who is Batman, and who is the gay counterpart in yellow tights.

OUR TALE OF THE TAPE

BEAR GRYLLS
A swash buckling, knife whistling Eagle Scout.

Ex British Special Forces, Grylls plays hardball. After breaking his back in a sky-diving accident in Zambia, Grylls was told he may never walk again. 18 months later Grylls climbed Everest. Grylls has several black-belts and once crossed the Atlantic Ocean in an inflatable raft.

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thievin’ keenan

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April 18, 2012
television
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A friend showed the below clip to me. I wasn’t all that excited about watching it but I obliged because I was expecting to have to have a conversation about it after. Overall, not that funny — typical recent Saturday Night Live bullshit. But I noticed something interesting at the end. Keenan (who is now on SNL) of All That and Keenan and Kel, was using Kel’s voice from Good Burger to portray a stoner. Naturally, this got me thinking.

 

Skip to 4:15 to see this part:

This taught me two things about the stars of this once beloved Nickelodeon show:

First – Keenan is a greedy bastard. Kel is a guy that doesn’t really have a career and hasn’t done anything since Mystery Men. The only thing he really has left is people remembering he loved orange soda and he was the moron from Good Burger. There was even a rumor he died in 2006. Now Keenan, who is on Saturday Night Live and making award winning movies like Snakes on a Plane and Fat Albert (not to mention he invented the knuckle-puck) needs to use the only voice that made Kel recognizable in a SNL skit. What a dick. I could understand if this situation was reversed, but definitely not with these sides.

(Side note — I never really understood why Keenan made it and not Kel, who was always the funnier of the two.)

Second - Ed in Good Burger was absolutely a stoner. I mean good for him — his job sucked working at a  a shitty burger joint. But this is one of those things that I never could have picked up on at age 11 or 12 and now it makes total sense … Kind of like when you found out the count was a nympho:

a bunch of old fucks review “girls”

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April 13, 2012
hollywood, television
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"Finally a show about the real YOUTH." (written by a 60 year old man)

I haven’t seen “Girls” yet and it might be good for all I know. My only initial complaint is that the main character is ugly, and i don’t watch TV for ugly people. I’m sure she could have found someone to represent herself in the same way but not as ugly (see: Pam from “The Office”). That’s kind of what TV is. But anyway, what I have seen is a bunch of critics talk about how the show, unlike every other show, represents young people the REAL WAY:

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“Them fools actin’ like they up in Oz!”

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March 20, 2012
television
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So said this black kid I knew in middle school. Before the advent of The Sopranos, I watched Oz circa 1998-99. For me, middle school was a little bit like Oz.  The whites hung exclusively with whites, blacks exclusively with blacks, and Mexicans exclusively with Mexicans. There were jumpings, thefts, a few pregnancies, and as noted, very poor race relations.

The Mexican kids started this gang called PMP (for Pimps M’ Playas). To piss them off, we started a gang called The Red Posse (because we thought it sounded cool) — but that’s a story for another day. Right now I want to talk about  . . .

My YouTube addiction is so pathetic, I ran across these scenes from Oz where the dude in the wheelchair explains why people are in Oswald State Penitentiary.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Remember Prisoner #92S110, leader of the Aryan Brotherhood, Vernon Schillinger?

Now a representative of State Farm Insurance.

How about Prisoner #97P904, Ryan O’Reilly?

Now a representative of Allstate Insurance.

Or perhaps the most notorious character, Prisoner #93A234, Simon Abebisi?

Not sure which insurance company uses this guy as a representative.

And whatever your opinion of Oz, you have to admit, they had a great intro:


NOTE: Yippykaijay is a TMF intern.