I’ve already written once about how buzzfeed articles lack pretty much any insight, but yesterday they took it to a whole new level with their article “21 Things We Learned From MarioKart 64.”
Why 21? Who knows. Why “We” and not “I”? Because buzzfeed, like every other internet site out there, assumes they have a pulse on the mainstrem despite ample evidence that if these sites even charged a dollar a week to visit them, all page views would disappear.
It takes IMMENSE lethargy to get an article this wrong, and TMF will put all the effort they didn’t put into it into correcting the fucking jokathon reasons mariokart 64 is the best game ever.
“But TMF, what makes you the authority on MarioKart?” – Bitchass buzzfeed staff writer.
Yeah, that’s right buzzfeed. I own the script rights to mariokart the movie. I’ve had executives at sony read this script and gotten it all the way to japan (all at the ripe age of 23) because i know a 200 million dollar profit movie when i see one.
After this E3 show, I now have completed the Sausage Fest Trifecta, which consists of visiting the top three conventions in America that boast the highest level of walking dick (besides those weird ass gun shows in the south, but I’m not going to fucking go there). They are as follows, in order of most concentrated sausage to vagina ratio.
- Comic Con – 25 to 1.
- E3 – 40 to 1.
- World Series of Poker – 285 to 1.
So E3 was some decent middle ground. They had hot chicks at every booth who couldn’t tell you a lick about what game or system they were promoting, but that’s par for the course at these things. The weirdest thing that E3 has going is that it’s not for gamers, it’s for people in the gaming industry, which, because huge conglomerates like Sony and Microsoft just happen to make video games, it’s pretty easy to score a ticket and have no real interest in anything going on there.
A lot of people feel bad for gamers. For some reason, people look down upon socially awkward introverts, like there is something exhilarating about being able to immerse yourself in small talk at bars and fake interest in what other people have to say, that this whole interaction thing is so fulfilling that, without it there must be some kind of CS Lewis type of empty hole inside you that yearns for the connection to other people.
Well, to all you who think this, gamers have one thing to say to you:
Is that clear enough?
Tim Lincecum vs. Landon Donovan
Then get at me on xbox live - ShotsofNe33y. F cho_kettie for getting a PS3 what a chumpette.
(ed. note — you can also find cho_kettie on the far-superior, free-to-use online gaming system — PS3 — at, surprise, cho_kettie)
PS. Pirates ARE awesome and Lincecum IS high.