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“world news”

boston skylineEd. Note – We’ll be diverting from the usual brand of crude comedy for the following piece discussing the collective response to the bombings of the Boston Marathon.

Alright, since I live a few miles away from where this shitstorm went down a week ago and have gotten to experience the last week up close and personal, I feel I need to weigh in on the reaction to the Marathon bombing and ensuing manhunt that has taken over the collective mind of Boston, and apparently, the entire World.

First of all it goes without saying (but I will anyway) that praise need to be given to first responders, the authorities that tracked down the perps and, most of all, the families of the deceased and those injured in this whole ordeal – who’s mental and physical fortitude is likely much stronger than mine. These are the true victims of these types of events, and too often the focus gets turned away from them to other trivial, self-serving BS that gets spewed out when things like this happen (see: ‘Sweet Caroline’).

But there comes a time when we all need to put this behind us and move on — and it seems that my city is having a hard time doing this, mostly because the media won’t let us and because of this prevailing jingoistic attitude among some residents here that somehow Boston responded in a way that is better or more unique than the response would have been if this happened elsewhere.

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YOO HOTTIES!! LETS FUCKK!!

I’m kidding. But seriously, what the hell is going on here. Who told Chinese beach goers this was a good idea? There’s like 10 Billion people in China, not one of them could say “that’s a dumb idea?“. Apparently 7-8 years ago the crazies in China felt this was the best way to keep the sun rays off their faces.

All I can picture is Jack Black saying:

This Bitch stole my mask”

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her parents must be so proud.

The LRA came out today and bashed Kony 2012. If you don’t know what the LRA is and you have posted a Kony anything, consider yourself a douchebag. Anyways, I thought it was a joke when I first saw this. Is an organization that has been under more scrutiny than the Kardashians really going to try to make a stand for itself? Whether or not you sympathize with the Kony 2012 “movement”*, you probably agree that the LRA are assholes.

Well this got me thinking. I obviously think that these are terrible people, but I have to respect the move. I mean this is ballsy — to issue an 18 page document basically claiming defamation and libel, saying that the public has a manipulated view of you enslaving an army of adolescents.

And its not some chicken scratch shit. They’re quoted using words like ‘myriad’? Get the fuck out — when did they get Hooked on Phonics? They don’t stop at calling out pseudo-corporations like Invisible Children and they even try to take on America? I guess they want to be taken seriously.

You got to hate the people involved but you got to respect the move. What would you do in that situation? Everyone in the world hates you, your online English classes taught you mildly impressive words, so why not try to make your thing bigger via the internet? I don’t think this document helps them at all — dumbasses probably put a return address on the envelope anyways but here’s an ‘A for Effort’, guys.

On the bright side, they’re practicing writing and not killing kids so it is a good day. Maybe the likefest on Facebook kind of worked?


*Disclaimer: Movement is in quotes because while everyone insists on calling it a “movement” Kony 2012 is a publicity whorefest, or a fad, but definitely not a movement. Buying a $250 tent to camp out to show that you support Kony 2012 isn’t probably the best way to positively help these kids. You hippies don’t get an A for effort. You get nothing.

In one week, 72 million views on YouTube, 350,000 favorites, the statistics speak for themselves. By now anyone with an internet connection and Facebook account is surely aware of Invisible Children’s latest viral sensation: Kony 2012.

I instinctively was very skeptical of the Kony 2012 Campaign as soon as I began seeing people who usually flood my Facebook news feed with meaningless tidbits about the monotony of everyday life or the newest “it” meme all of the sudden posting about the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) and Ugandan youth.

Begrudgingly, I finally obliged to watch the 30 minute video; after all, that is all the 40 people sharing the link and Invisible Children were asking for, right?

Through some power skimming, I learned that the idea of Kony 2012 was to turn the leader and man behind the LRA, Joseph Kony, into a household name through the increasingly powerful social media medium. The LRA, by the way, is a paramilitary organization that largely survives by invading villages to abduct children; forcing the boys to become soldiers and using girls as sex slaves.

In essence, the video profiles Jacob, a Ugandan boy who was featured in Invisible Children’s namesake first film and whose brother was killed by the LRA — with cut scenes to a cute blonde child who can point out the “bad man” that makes him “sad,” some footage from the original film, glossy “indie” editing, and lots of white, presumably, charitable people.

What further piqued my interest and disdain for seeing these postings was the fact that I spent the summer and fall of 2009 backpacking through Sub-Saharan Africa; living in many of the villages in rural Uganda and Sudan where the LRA operated. Some of my most poignant and touching moments of the trip were speaking with people in these remote villages outside of Juba or Kampala.

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Just went to get myself some delicious water. Problem is I almost spit it out when I saw this while walking back to my desk.

Is this the best TIME cover ever? Coincidence that Lil’ Kim actually had an album called No Time ?

All hail the Bambi Leader.

Better usage of Lil’ Kim name: Kim Jong Un
Better ass: washed up rapper Lil’ Kim
Better style: washed up rapper Lil’ Kim Kim Jong Un
Better hair: Kim Jong Un
Best flow: Kim Jong Un on that dictatorship flow
Better chance to be in a movie first: Kim Jong Un

ohhhh herrrro

Stay HOT.

Well, after defeating Japan in the Little League World Series our dominance over them was pretty clear. This one I am surprised about though: America is certainly better at selling sex to youth than Japan is.

This interview on CNN shows Japan’s feeble attempt to sell sex via their “pop music.” Get with the times Japan — you have cell phones the size of matchbooks and vending machines for everything under the Sun but you can’t write a song that isn’t blatantly about sex? Britney Spears did commercials for your country back in the nineties, so surely you are familiar with “Hit me baby one more time.” – clearly either promoting domestic abuse or sexual acts but definitely not just about teenage life. I am really shocked that this is their best attempt — although what do you expect from a country still scared of Godzilla?

Does Japan have Disney? Maybe then can learn from Mickey….

FILE - In this Sept. 8, 2011 file photo, a member of the Navy stands next to seized telecommunications equipment, allegedly built by the Zetas drug cartel, during a media presentation in Veracruz, Mex

“Antena Orizaba 2″ is bean-speak for “Orizaba Antenna 2″.

Back in the day, dope dealers used pay phones and pagers.  Then came cell phones with multiple SIM cards. Next there were disposable cell phones and soon, it was an assortment of text messages, picture messages, and emails.

Eventually they caught on to encrypted emails.  All the while, they used code systems to ensure that even if their messages were discovered/intercepted, they still had to be translated/deciphered.

But why didn’t they ever quit using cell phones and laptops and switch to a big-ass communication network similar to the one used by the U.S. military in Afghanistan?  You know, camouflaged radio towers, antennas, repeaters, etc. — strewn hundreds of miles over mountains and desert wasteland?

Come to find out, that’s how they play south of the border, my friend:

AP story here.