So there’s been a lot that’s happened in our ritzy Jewish suburb since the last check-in. A halloween nor’easter took out power and tree limbs, a few big-time college football games brought in 40,000 drunken graduates, and then the usual ‘kids smoking weed in the park’ and ‘there’s a coyote in my yard’ stuff.

But let’s get the PULSE of what Brookline is really complaining about:

A woman told police she was approached by a suspicious woman speaking “jargon”. She said the woman said drugs are funding America and she almost died in 9/11. She said the woman was wearing a hospital bracelet.

Police responded to Walnut Street for reports of a man practicing karate with a machete. Police said it was a fake machete.

Balboas: A caller told police a group of 20 kids turned the play area on Egmont Street into a boxing ring and were having boxing matches. Police said it was adults using boxing gloves.

Suspicious: A caller said he was walking home from Pierce Playground with his dog when a man approached him and put his hand in the dog’s mouth. When he pulled it out, the man’s hand was bleeding.

Larceny: A Devotion Street woman told police her iPod and accessories were taken from her apartment. She said her ex-boyfriend has a set of keys.

Inebriated kid: A Village Way resident said her son locked himself in the bathroom. She thought he was drunk.

Intoxicated: Police said a man wearing pajama pants, a hockey jersey, hoodie and glasses accused landscapers working on Kent Street of stealing his wallet. The caller said he appeared drunk.

Hoodlums: A Hammond Street resident said seven teens wearing hooded sweatshirts were walking down his street. It turned out they were art students going to school.

Mind your manners: A caller said somebody asking for change outside a Dunkin’ Donuts on Beacon Street acted aggressively toward her when she didn’t give him any. She said another person was drinking mouthwash nearby.

OH MY GAWD … THE HUMANITY!