Here’s a thought experiment: Add up all the money and time you’ve spent going to your “creative” friends’ concerts, plays, art shows, and charity events. Got it? Now add up how much time and money they’ve spent going to shit you do. Alrightsweet. My answer is a lot to fucking nothing, chances are you came up with the same thing. Where is the goddamn reciprocation? In college I asked my musician friends to come to my math final and watch me take it. They thought I was joking. Well, fuck them. I thought maybe at age 26 people would stop asking me to come to their shit, mostly because I figured by now they’d have given up their dreams. Nope. Assholes still sending me Facebook invites and I’m sick of it. As of right now, I will not support another local band, theater performance, charity event or art show until all of those people participate in…
TMF’s WEEK OF ME: A ONE MAN SHOW.
This event is mandatory.
7am: Watch me stand in line at the DMV to try and avoid a smog check
8am: Watch me jerk off before work.
12pm: Watch me read fantasy football analysis while I stuff a burger down my throat.
3pm: Watch me in another jerk off session. This time during work.
4pm: Watch me talk on gchat with people about how much life sucks.
5pm: Watch me sit in traffic and yell racist things inside my own car.
6pm: Watch me watch TV.
7pm: Watch me eat Subway and complain about how shitty Subway is.
730pm: Watch me start drinking.
8pm: Watch me try to think of ideas for this shitty website.
815pm: Watch me say “fuck it” and play video games.
9pm: Watch me unsuccessfully try to get laid.
11pm: Watch me pass out while unsuccessfully trying to jerk off.
TUESDAY THROUGH SUNDAY:
Pretty much the same thing as Monday.
If you’re truly a good friend, you’d come. If not I’m going to guilt trip you every time I see you and make backhanded jokes about how you didn’t come to my show, and then say “no, I’m just kidding it’s fine.” See you there! xoxo J