I am going to keep this short and sweet … I went 0-2.
The Patriots lost the Super Bowl and I had to shave “NYG” into my head before work today. Short video clip of what that was like.
Yes I really got the guy to wear the GoPro chest camera. All you gotta do is ask sometimes. Speaking of asking I didn’t know he was doing the whole ‘straight edge down-to-the-skin’ shit until I felt the cold razor on my scalp. Fucking dude tricked me by asking “Do you want me to clean it up?”.
Here is what I came into at work today:
I also lost a bet with another fraternity brother, where I will have to perform a few minuets of stand-up in front of a crowd at an open mic night. He gets to write all my jokes.
Details of this to come.
Stay h…actually, fuck off. This sucks.
On December 11, 2011, Yippykaijay posted the most controversial article in TMF history. What was it? It was a simple picture of a guy who helps out on the Dallas Cowboys coaching staff. Yippykaijay is somewhat of a Cowboys sympathizer — he’ll admit that. But his post was so controversial, so polarizing, that TMF’s editor felt the need to add the following caveat:
“(editors note — nobody else on this site endorses Rob Ryan or Rex Ryan, and nor should yippiekaijay after that 4th quarter performance…yikes)”
Part of the problem was that some contributors were worried toomuchfire.com might be perceived as a site which does not absolutely HATE the Dallas Cowboys.
However, if you’ve ever visited our site before, you’ve noticed three things:
- Outright support for the New England Patriots
- Mockery of the various misfortunes of the Dallas Cowboys, and
- Downright disdain for Eli Manning (and Tim Tebow)
Why is this? (After the jump)
What up nation? You didn’t think I could resist not betting the Super Bowl, right? Shit, even a disciplined sportsbettor like TMF ain’t going to sit this one out, no matter how little edge you can muster. Like any other week, I took some Adderall and made some picks, largest bets first. I take no credit either way on how I do this week since it’s basically just coin flips, but I might have found a little bit of magic in my binge.
Oh, and they’re all prop bets. Who the fuck cares who wins?
New York Giants — Will Eli Manning Throw 3rd Qtr TD Pass? — No -200
Eli treads water in the third quarter, just to give his brother some hope he might not come back and win this fucking game and piss on the family record books for good. Plus Eli hates not being sacked really hard, and halftime is like 75 minutes this year. He’ll come out itching for some turf in his helmet. Oh, he also has a terrible DVOA in the third. I did do some research.
New York Giants vs New England Patriots — Special Teams or Defensive TD — No -180
I’m going with a thrilling yet non-flukey TD game this year. I bet we have INT, some fumbles, but nothing doing on special teams and I don’t think anybody is going to run that shit back. These teams really have shitty special teams. Why bother when you can put up 40 points the easy way?
New York Giants vs New England Patriots — Total 3rd Down Conversions — Under 11½ 3rd Down Conversions -120
TMF is anti-third down.
New England Patriots — Rushing Attempts by BenJarvus Green-Ellis — Over 12½ Rushing Attempts -115
Flat out, the G-man have not improved their run defense since the last time they played. Pass defense is a different story, but the run is predictably shitty. I didn’t bet yards because who the fuck knows with the Law Firm. I could see him have 15 carries for 20 yards.
More prop bets after the jump…
GUESS WHAT?!!?! You don’t even have a role.
Why? Because you didn’t fucking make it to the Super Bowl!
Guess what else?! You like the Jets, not the Giants. BLAH BLAH BLAH you are from New York and think you automatically get to cheer for the Giants? WRONG.
If Tom Brady was in Indy to beat the Buffalo Bill’s asses would you fucking cheer for them? I highly doubt it. Same school of thought isn’t it? It’s safe to say most of you clowns forget they are the ONLY real NY team.
Regardless, I get it, I really do. I understand you hate New England, but the point of the matter is you need to shut your fucking mouth. You can CHEER for the Giants on Sunday, but there is no fucking way in hell I am going to listen to one more Jets fan tell me something about the Super Bowl. No way. You don’t get to talk shit for New York when the basis of the conversation is about a game YOU’RE NOT PLAYING IN. I’ve had so many people argue with me about this topic. But they literally just sound retarded and make no sense.
I really don’t what you try to come back with, or why you think you can say anything to begin with. The Patriots are playing the Giants in the ‘SHIP and y’all get to hang in Hawaii.
Hawaii > Indy on any other day
Playing in Indy on Sunday > EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD
The Giants and Jets fight over that dumpy fucking stadium IN NEW JERSEY.
News flash, that place sucks.
So now what the fuck were you clowns talking about? What happened to all season when you were going to make it to the Super Bowl?
Have fun Sucking on Rex’s toes now — I bet that “out of season” taste is a little bitter. I bet Bart Scott can’t wait for that.
Talk to me when you are on our level. LETS GO PATS.
This ESPN commercial got me thinking. Everyone knows someone who has made some crazy-ass sports bet they had to follow through on. We mock and praise them at the same time for being a man and following through with the bet … Or just mock them, but whatever.
My favorite comes to light once a year. Los Juggernaut and one of our best friends have a life-time standing bet on the yearly USC vs. Notre Dame college football game. Loser has to do the Polar Bear plunge on New Year’s Day in Newport, R.I. Los Juggernaut obviously cheers for the good guys aka Notre Dame and our buddy likes that bunch’a cheatahs in Southern Cal.
But the bet is growing. This was only the second year they did it, but the stakes are literally being raised by the day. First the loser just had to do the swim. Pretty shitty to go one hundred yards into the blistering cold ocean when the water temp is about 40 degrees. Then they decided they would have to wear the opposing teams jersey. Sounds pretty good to me. That’s fair, right?
Bu what did they do? They took it even further.
Now the loser has to wear the other teams jersey the whole week between Christmas and New Year’s. These kids are mental. Hardcore sports fans don’t get any better. Or do they?
We want to hear your best bets/ craziest stories.
I’ll tell you what, if that sack of shit team the Giants makes it to the superbowl against the Pats, I’ll make a bet with anyone who proposes one.***
***I wrote this blog on Friday, and I’ll stick to my word. So please…if you are serious about a bet I want to fucking hear it. Please submit your bet in the comments section or send to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Rules for the bets I would take:
1. You must be a REAL Giants fan, not a loser bandwagon Jets fan.
2. I’ll fucking do anything short of hurting myself so bring it bitches.
3. We need to have some sort of shake/agreement.
The NFL is easily my favorite professional sports league — why? It is by far the purest.
The lockout situation got resolved well before the season started, showing logical minds on both sides of the situation — quite different from the NBA.
It hasn’t been marred by steroids nearly as much as baseball (only a few instances and none by the leagues stars).
Also, you don’t hear about NFL players not being real people (see: Leo Nunez aka Juan Carlos Oviedo or Fausto Carmona aka Roberto Hernandez Heredia).
Every sport has its assholes, but when it boils down to it the NFL definitely relies on more than just paying players big money.
The NFL is pure because coaching and scouting do prevail more often than not. It is not a sport you can buy a championship in. This year the Philadelphia Eagles had the 2nd highest payroll and boasted a “dream team.” They missed the playoffs. One of the teams that played today — San Francisco — had a 6-10 team last year, brought in a new coach with some under-preforming guys from other teams and went 13-3. Coaching matters. It’s not like the NBA, where you can throw any asshole on the bench with a bunch of athletes and watch them try to come together:
More after the jump…
"I'm taking this shit from behind Eli and there is NOTHING you can do about it."
First off, kudos to Clay Matthews. He had a great game and might hate Eli Manning more than I do if that’s even possible. More on that “quarterback” in a minute.
Tiger Woods comes back and wins for the first time in two years. The best golfer on the face of the planet did what he does best and won. He probably slept with more women on that one night then he has in the last two years. Matter of fact, his “sleeping around” habits probably only got…better? Before he was the half black and half Asian All-American family man golfer dude (that whole half black and half Asian thing is right up Yippykaijay’s alley). Anyways, his slut productivity has significantly out-weighted his golf trophy productivity in the last two years for sure. This is because as soon as the rest of the money-grubbing whores found out he’s some kind of 9-iron machine they just started lining up at the tip of his dick like he’s giving out free sleeves of golf balls. Just raining snatch all over the PGA. Boom, WELCOME BACK TIGER! I know Losjuggernaut called it – but we’re blood so he probably knew what I was already thinking and stole my idea.
Even though he helped me win my Fantasy Baseball league this past year, Jose Reyes will be sitting on the bench with injuries in Florida now. A Mets fan I work with proudly proclaimed: “They can lose without him – no problem” this morning when I asked him about the trade. The Mets just keep getting worse and worse. Big surprise. Pujols is being targeted by the Marlins also, and could be next to move so we’ll have to see what happens; my guess is he resigns with the Cards. Would love some MLB buffs to weigh in on this so I’ll wait to hear some responses.
Sheli Manning proves he’s not a good quarterback. Good quarterbacks win big games. Not one big game, multiple big games. Fans have faith in Aaron Rogers marching down the field with :50 seconds to go give them a chance to win the game. Eli has good numbers blah blah blah. This is his best season blah blah blaah. Your team is 6-6. You had a chance to beat the defending champs and you blew it. CLAY MATTHEWS ISN’T ON YOUR TEAM – that means you shouldn’t throw the ball directly at him. Your defense sucks. Your running backs are assholes who are either hurt or unhappy. I think Nicks is the only wide receiver on the team? Right? (Oh theres that Victor Cruz guy who is decent and maybe some Manningham and Cheese, but Mario shares a hospital room with Reyes). Maybe a crappy white tight end? Yet, Giants fans still think they are #1. You might have beaten the Patriots this season, congrats. Everyone wants to beat you when you are the best. When you win games, you can consider yourself an ELITE quarterback. Reality? Your whole division sucks. Don’t even get me started on the Eagles, they should drown and beat those clowns like a bunch of Michael Vick dogs. Dallas is the only “good” “team” in that division right now. The Giants have to play them twice in the next 4 weeks too, along with the Jets. Watching the Jets and Giants play is more enjoyable than most things I do. Depressed and angry fans in the streets crying over their beloved NY team’s loss. SWEET – both teams are on their way to NOT making the playoffs. Hey New York, have fun beating yourself. Buffalo = best/only team in New York. Someone tell Eli and his broken-red-neck brother to pack it the fuck up. Disagree? Let me hear it, I want to know why anyone says Eli is a “good quarterback”.
Kurt Busch leaves Penske Racing in a mutual split. HAHA no I am kidding, no one fucking cares about that. I just copied that from ESPN and thought it was funny.
If you disagree let me know – get at me @toomuchfire1 / email@example.com