I like sushi restaurants. Not only because I love sushi, but because when I go out to eat I like my waiters to be subservient, invisible and attentive. And I like them to bow to me at the end.
I was out to dinner the other night at some Hollywood hotspot restaurant — the opposite of low-key. That part was fine, because I was with a gaggle of beautiful girls, I was only one of two guys, I was wearing a new suit, and I was making jokes on the way there that were landing. Simply put, I felt the part.
Though we had made reservations well beforehand, we arrived and were asked to wait in the bar area while they prepared our table. We unquestioningly followed orders, especially because the orders were to start drinking — the most important item on my agenda anyway.
Just after ordering a Scottish Mule, an anxious hostess tapped me on the shoulder to alert me that our table was ready. Before I could turn around to inform the bartender, the hostess was already meandering off through the restaurant presumably toward our table, and I had to rush after her like Alice chasing the White Rabbit. It was as if she were in a race with another hostess who was escorting an entirely different party toward the same table and whoever got there first won the spot.
Apparently we won. My friends were not far behind me, and soon enough we were all seated in an overly large rectangular table which basically fragmented our party into two sections, as one end of the table was entirely too far away to converse with the other. This would be fine in a situation with 10 or so guests, but it was only seven of us.
Our waitress was hot and blonde, which was not surprising since being beautiful is most definitely a prerequisite for attaining a job at this particular restaurant. Unfortunately, I believe the only other prerequisites are that you must have aspirations to be an actress or model and thus you must also find your job as a waitress to be a terrible but necessary inconvenience. Needless to say, she had other passions that did not include having to get things for other people in a timely fashion.