Has anybody seen this movie? My goodness. It’s about a kid who finds a pair of magic shoes and starts ripping up the NBA, which is also the only way to explain jeremy lin. i’m surprised nobody has taken a look at his kicks.
this is the writer of Like Mike:
I am one cold-hearted motherfucker.
simulated image of projected new espn editor david duke
For those of you who don’t follow NBA (a list that includes myself), you may have missed some great headlines over the years on ESPN.com.
In an attempt to actually increase their NBA viewership, ESPN apparently decided to hire famous grand-wizard David Duke to start writing their headlines. In case you haven’t been on the site lately, the most recent NBA headline was regarding a recent performance of Jeremy Lin and ESPN decided to go with “Chink in the Armor.”
Intrigued, TMF sent in an agent to look into the matter and they were able to uncover some upcoming headlines which are now presented to you, our dear reader:
“Spic of the Devil; he’s back!”
“Spade ready to plow field in Cincinnati”
“Kikes in the Outfield”
With headlines like that, expect an Auschwitz-oven-hot 2012 for ESPN.
(The award is presented to a player who joins an NBA D-League team after the start of the season and has a big impact as an in-season acquisition)
Morris Almond made such a big impact that he played nine total NBA games before going to Italy and then back to the D-League.
ESPN’s Truehoop blog had this to say about him: “The guy just has no attitude whatsoever.”
Almond recently tweeted: “the creator of heated seats and steering wheels deserves more recognition. a holiday, a nobel peace prize, something.”
Gill made such an impact that he was waived by the Nets after playing 13 games in 2007, waived by the Supersonics after ten games in 2008, waived again by the Nets before the 2009 season started, and then waived after 10 days by the Bucks later that year.
Despite totaling 20 points his entire career, one of them was the 8 millionth point ever scored in the NBA. This is an accomplishment, I was sure, that nobody cares about.
…then i saw this (after the jump):
Or so says Russian presidential “candidate” Vladimir Putin . . .
Let me ask you this: How are the recent flawed Duma elections tied to The New START Treaty and the Dwight Howard trade? Indeed, it’s an intricate web of complexities, decipherable only by a trained TMF correspondent.
“[T]he Arab Spring is coming to a neighborhood near you[!]“
From top left: U.S. President Barack Obama; New Jersey Nets owner and Independent Russian presidential candidate Mikhail Prokhorov; New Jersey Nets head coach Avery Johnson; Russian Prime Minister and United Russia presidential candidate Vladimir Putin; Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad; Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard; Russian President Dmitry Medvedev; NBA Commissioner David Stern.
February 5, 2011: The United States of America and the Russian Federation enter into The New START (Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty) as part of the Obama administration’s plan to reset relations with Russia.
April 13, 2011: New Jersey Nets finish the 2010-2011 NBA season at 24-58. NBA lock out appears imminent.
May 16, 2011: Nets’ owner Mikhail Prokhorov announces his plan to join the leadership of Russia’s Right Cause party. He criticizes Russian President Dmitry Medvedev’s and Prime Minister Vladimir Putin’s tandem ruler-ship of Russia.
July 1, 2011: NBA announces lock out.
September 23, 2011: International Democrat Union suspends Right Cause’s associate member status. Prokhorov resigns from Right Cause, indicating the party is a “puppet” organization of the Kremlin.
September 24, 2011: Dmitry Medvedev recommends the United Russia party nominate Vladimir Putin as their 2012 presidential candidate. They do so.
November 23, 2011: Bloomberg: ‘Russia Prepares to “Destroy” U.S. Shield’; New York Times: ‘Russia Elevates Warning about U.S. Missile-Defense Plan in Europe:’
November 28, 2011: Russian state news agency: ‘Russia’s NATO Envoy to Visit China, Iran Over Missile Defense.’
December 4, 2011: Russia holds Duma parliamentary elections. Allegations of mass fraud in favor of United Russia and Vladimir Putin are rampant.
December 7, 2011: Senator John McCain addresses his colleagues in the Senate: He reports Dmitry Medvedev is threatening to deploy ballistic missiles to destroy U.S. missile systems in Europe. He accuses Russia of conspiring with China and Iran to further such an aim. He declares the New START Treaty to be a Russian blackmail device.
December 8, 2011: NBA players and owners ratify a new collective bargaining agreement. Trade rumors involving Dwight Howard and the New Jersey Nets begin to circulate.
December 12, 2011: Prokhorov announces his candidacy for the Russian presidential office as an independent.
December 15, 2011: The Orlando Magic pull center Dwight Howard from the trade market. New Jersey Nets head coach Avery Johnson says team plans to renew trade efforts in March of 2012. The Russian presidential election happens to be scheduled for March 4, 2012.
December 16, 2011: Vladimir Putin says John McCain is acting fucking INSANE right now.
NOTE: This continues to be a developing story. Thus far, TMF has merely outlined the facts for our readers. Further content in the way of high-pressure analysis and baseless speculation could be forthcoming.
ON 
The NBA is set to tip off on Christmas Eve with the WORLD CHAMPION DALLAS MAVERICKS going back up against the Big 3 from Miami at the American Airlines Center in DALLAS, TEXAS. I’m thinking of doing a series of posts on how the use of opiates affects my basketball betting decisions. No better time to place a wager than after 2 or 3 days on the nod. Would any of you be interested in reading something like that?
DIRK! FOR THREE! TAKE-DAT-WITCHU!!!
Honestly, does anyone really care if the NBA never plays another game again? The only reason I even noticed is because it’s november and SportsCenter is usually kicking off the show with 30 mins of boring highlights and Stuart Scott saying stuff like “fresh” over manufactured background beats that would poll favorably among black males (and suburban white kids…go figure) ages 18-35. The only downside is that this is now being replaced with more … awww Trent Dilfer??? Booo…
But let’s get real here. Is there anyone out there who is completely devastated that there’s no music playing during the game, kissing cams and some stupid leprechaun holding up a “GET LOUD!” sign?
Anyone really missing Lebron’s dumbass smirk or Jack Nicholson decomposing courtside at Staples Center? Anyone missing thunderstix and matching t-shirts in Oklahoma City?
Anyone missing the complete and utter corruption and shameless monetization of sport?
Cause god forbid we instead have to watch college kids who — GASP — actually play DEFENSE and RUN up and down the court.
So GOOD RIDDANCE NBA…we hardly knew ye! And we’ll hardly give a shit when you’re gone.
Apparently today LeBron James practiced with a high school football team — and it has NFL.com doing a story about if he’s going to try out for the NFL. I’m 200% positive he won’t try to play football, he would be stupid to.
BUT, with all the talk of “could he?” and NFL players coming out and saying they believe he could (Greg Jennings and Marcedes Lewis), I’m a slight believer that he could. Most likely just a publicity stunt going to a high school practice since he’s not playing overseas and everyone is talking about Kobe but it got me thinking.
LeBron lost everyone outside of Miami’s respect with that whole decision thing and the majority of humanity thinks he’s an asshole. I do cheer for the Celtics but not the reason I hate LeBron — I just don’t think he should have left Cleveland and stand firm that Jordan was in a different league. Everyone has their reason but mainly I think it has to do with NBA players are not nearly as likable as NFL players unless you’re Dikembe Mutumbo (ed. note – inserting wag of finger).
Could trying to play in the NFL earn him credibility and respect back? Granted, we all know he would hold an hour press conference and try to play for the Browns (yes, all those idiots in Cleveland would buy his Browns jersey) but if he made the team, would he earn your respect? Maybe you didn’t lose respect for him but it would put him in a different class. This wouldn’t be like Ochocinco trying out for an MLS team. I would think it’d be legit.