Look, I’m sure just because it’s Monday you think us smart people need to blog. Wrong. Its recovery day and you know that – my brain cells are huddling together for survival. But l figured I would satisfy the “does pharro’s ninja roommate from last week really exist” thirst. Thus I have provided hardcore proof that he does indeed live in my apartment … he just couldn’t get INTO the apartment over this past weekend while I was in Rhode Island.
I get this text Saturday just after noon – keep in mind I will not return to NYC until late Sunday night. We’ll start off with his name, which he incorrectly spelled in his text message. Seeing as he’s only been in the U.S. for 3 years I’m sure his parents really named him
He did a good job covering his bases by trying to contact both me and my other roommate, going as far as using a P.S, but failed because Matthew and me are one in the same. While we are on the topic of names, I guess calling him “buddy” was a mistake?
I highlighted that I called him this one time and he proceeded to use it in 3 of his next 4 texts. Maybe he missed the “this is Matthew”. So be it, I give him the name of someone else to try, and they also can not be reached. I kinda feel bad that he can’t get into the apartment, but whatever … stop leaving your key in the room and this problem is solved.
Then he threw me a curveball. I’m hanging with a few friends “doing the right thing” when I get his text about living somewhere else and I almost shit a brick. Was it possible that I lived in the same apartment with this kid and we’ll never meet? Did he come back to get his stuff? Did he come back for the toothpaste? If not, can I keep it? All these questions start firing off in my head and I’m really not sure how to take it. Like boom you write a blog about this kid and 2 days later he moves out?
But without hesitation he reassures me “Of course I will still live in #33″ — there go my chances to score some free toothpaste. All in all, one of the weirder conversations I’ve ever had.
So you now realize that this roommate thing is NOT a joke, this is what I am going to deal with. But these texts couldn’t even come close to our first meeting, which occurred sometime after midnight last night and went something like this:
Patrick: “Oh ok, and so, Matthew lives there?” (points to room at the end of the hall just a few feet from his room)
Matthew: “No, I’m Matthew and I live here” (point into the room I just came out of)
Patrick: “Oh and the other guy is where?”
Matthew: “What other guy? Our other roommate lives in that room, you live there and I live here” (Pointing to each room every time)
The next thing I knew he face palms because he was getting confused. I said “have a good night” and shut the door. I really can’t make this stuff up – so I’ll keep writing about our friend and we can enjoy his American adventures together.
Oh yeah if you want to meet him let me know, there’s a 2-3 week waiting period.