NOT ZUCCOTTI PARK (KTLA) – Part 2 of the guide “Handling Life’s Issues (without looking like an OWS protester)” details how one can grab a problem by the short and curlies rather than spend hours wondering which angle the protest sign glitter will look best on CNN (here………or here):
“A fast food customer is accused of firebombing a Taco Bell in Georgia because he thought there was not enough meat in his XL Chalupas.
The man allegedly called the Taco Bell employee a racial slur and threatened to ‘come and redecorate the place.’
Later that night, someone threw a Molotov cocktail at the drive-thru window, WALB reports.”
If I start employing similar tactics perhaps I could finally get that Taco Bell / KFC combination I’ve been asking for in my neck of the woods.
Junior year of college: A bunch of my friends who studied abroad came back with this smug act of being more cultured than everyone who stayed around campus and like, you know, worked on their careers and shit. They all suddenly become wine connoisseurs and turned away cheap beer because it’s not like the pubs in Ireland or the Weissbier they had at Oktoberfest.
Well, Kyle Bass says fuck you.
"Have fun overseas! I'll just be here making money."
You’d probably reply, “excuse me, who are you?” But Kyle wouldn’t have time to answer because he’s too busy blowing up beavers who try to get all up in his private water supply and fuck with his million dollars worth of nickels. That’s right, Kyle Bass has more money in nickels than you assholes who went overseas will have in your entire life. He’s never left Texas, but bet on the fall of Greece, the collapse in Iceland, and the 2008 financial crisis in America. He now has his sights on France. You know France right? That country you visited sophomore year, the one with the rolling hillsides and omg Paris! Remember Paris?!? Of course you do, you took ten thousand pictures of it and put them on facebook with the album titled “Paris, Je T’Aime.”
This is where Kyle blasts on by on his Humvee and screams, “WHERE’S YOUR CULTURE NOW BITCHES? YEAAAAAAAHAAAAAAW!”
Why didn’t all you cultured folks who toured Europe have any idea it was about to go belly up? What did Kyle Bass do so differently than all you ambitious young minds who witnessed the Mona Lisa IN PERSON?
Oh yeah, he used this:
You can even Google other stuff too
See, Kyle Bass wasn’t a moron. He didn’t need a life changing experience to be more open minded. he just assumed that millions of years of evolution of a single species would produce at least some patterns in human nature, and just because some place had a renaissance and another had a revolution doesn’t mean they are suddenly freed from the confines of biology. You ask someone who went to Iceland about the country and they remark the lovely natural heat (not the part about it boiling people alive occasionally) or the incredibly friendly (inbred) people, or the vibrant folklore (they actually believe elves exists and you have to get a guy to come make sure none live under your property). They probably snapped a few “breathtaking” photos of the landscape too. Then you say something like, “Hey did you know the leader of the central bank was a trained poet with no financial experience whatsoever?” They go, “Huh?” You reply, “Yeah, he’s one of the reasons Iceland went under and lost the Krona. He’s a moron.” They look back at you and nod, but go onto another story about backpacking through Greece. You say, “Hey isn’t it weird that nobody in Greece paid their taxes for twenty years and the government didn’t do anything about it?” They look back, more confused now, but continue, “Oh and the monasteries are beautiful, especially in Meteora, which most Americans think is just the name of a Linkin Park album, yuk yuk yuk…”
Kyle Bass speeds by again, yelling, “THOSE DAMN MONKS DUN FUCKED THEMSELVES, GOLLLEEEEAAAAAAH”
I wonder how many people down in the Occupy Wall Street Movement went overseas during college, “found themselves” and airmailed a new personality back to the states with the intention of changing the world only to find themselves unemployed and waiting for sign making to become a lucrative profession. Shit, that won’t work cause THIS FUCKING DUCK already got that job.
You trying to suck me?
Fucking duckies. I knew we shouldn’t have let them into the country. Oh and fuck you Robin Williams, don’t think I forgot about this little diatribe:
Yeah, you’re just bitter your wife farted and then died and for some reason that means you can only work at a community college with a bunch of morons even though you have an Ivy League education. Eh, you’d probably just start some stupid club like the dead poets or something and tell all your students to live life to the fullest and shit. They’ll probably all go overseas at some point too.
In this scene from Nixon, Oliver Stone has the President confront his “demons” or the racist, corporate-interest, GOP boosters from the South. I think Stone intended to show they were the ones responsible for the war, national debt, unemployment, segregation and homophobia. If you take Anthony Hopkins out of this scene and replace him with Barack Obama, I think you have an idea of how cho_kettie and the Occupiers think this country must work.
Nixon would be correct nowadays if he said of the Occupiers, “[I'll] tell you what would cure them. A good, old-fashioned trip to my Ohio father’s woodshed.”
But what I still don’t understand is how the lib kids elected their dream candidate, nothing has changed, they still want to bitch, but they don’t want to bitch at him. Ah — so they bitch at some deep, dark, double-secret conspiracy contrived in a ranch-style brandy room with obnoxious buck mounts and a hellacious fire place.
What they’re really doing is taking their cue from flunky British kids who watched The Football Factory too many times and dirt-poor middle-eastern kids whose countries really are fucked up.
But hey, I’m not saying this is all bad. I’m glad to see the smart-phone generation doing their bitching on the streets rather than from the couch using Facebook.
Still, we don’t bitch in this country. We invent. We compete. And if we don’t get it our way — we sue. That’s the truth.
So apparently these hipster, trust-fund liberal protesters on Wall Street won’t go away, and (GASP) people in other parts of the country are now starting to show how pissed off they are about corporate profits at an all-time high while simultaneously not paying a dime in taxes to our broke-ass government and not hiring anyone.
Clearly this is not the fault of financial conglomerates in bed with the treasury or the bought-and-sold GOP which effectively controls both houses of Congress, but dem GAD DANG LIBERALS!!!!
One New Yorker cartoonist have given us an effective analogy as to how this happens:
so it’s day 502 of #occupymycubicle and i’m starting to break down and turn into a lifeless, emotionless robot who is only concered about how long it’s taking the clock to get to 5pm and whether payday is this friday or next friday… oh wait, that began 501 days ago. and payday isn’t till next friday…FUCK.
will be back with something substantive when some non-fluorescent lights can get my creative juices flowing again.
Now that I have the Internet back after having solved some recent legal matters I keep seeing a lot of news about how some kids with iPhones are occupying parks and taking shits in the bushes. It’s time you little poofsters start taking some real action; take a page out of Sarah Deming’s book and shut your pieholes:
Moviegoer sues: Not enough driving in ‘Drive’ Sarah Deming of Michigan is suing FilmDistrict, the distributor of Ryan Gosling’s flick “Drive,” because she wanted more driving in the film, CNN confirmed.
so they’re in the news cause they supposedly blew off the #occupywallstreet people who apparently weren’t too busy trying to piss off the financial douches in lower manhattan. but everyone really knows thom & co. never wanted to get anywhere near there and were only rumored to be playing for the ragtag bunch cause they happened to be in NYC last weekend.
so whatever…here’s some live radiohead ‘from the basement’ for you to gnash your teeth on. (and for god sakes watch this shit in HD…nothing more that pisses me off than people watching music on YouTube in 240p and 360p…might as well just take a dump all over your speakers)
