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warm glass of shut the hell up

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March 2, 2012
"news", peta douchebags
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Now you will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep.


As the crusade against PETA continues – more facts surface. Here is a warm glass of shut the hell up I’m serving to them.

Documents published online this month show that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, an organization known for its uncompromising animal-rights positions, killed more than 95 percent of the pets in its care in 2011. FULL ARTICLE

 

 

So apparently treating animals ethically is deadly and should not be done. That is what i get out of this article. There were over 1,000 cats and dogs killed by PETA last year and only 24 homes were found for animals. I am pretty sure China would be a safer place for the cats and dogs to hide out. They probably have some great excuse like the animals were in such bad care when they got to them but a 5% success rate is awful. Even weathermen need more accuracy than that. Lets look at what a 5% success rate translates to in other things:

1) Baseball – a 5% batting average is one hit in every 20 at-bats. On average pitchers bat around .140 or 14%, almost triple PETA’s success rate. I’m pretty sure even  Jim Abbott had a better batting average than .050.

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PETA has a kid brother?

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February 22, 2012
"news", fan mail
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inconspicuous surveillance drone....

So apparently PETA has a kid brother in Illinois called SHARK (SHowing Animals Respect and Kindness) that made some news headlines. They were flying a drone to see if hunters were treating animals respectfully in South Carolina. Hmm…. So are the hillbillies killing animals kindly? Is the bullet going through the pigeon respectfully? I really don’t know what these people were expecting to find or prove by this stunt – honestly its probably just good for them that none of their own people were shot during this experiment. Know the saying “don’t get between a lion and his prey”? Yeah well don’t get between a hunter and the shit he is trying to shoot.

How much must it suck to be overshadowed by PETA though? Like if your life dream is to be a hippie environmentalist and human rights activist who has nothing better to do than harass normal humans – why not just join PETA? You have to go out a start your own group that isn’t even a true acronym? The least you could do in between bong rips is come up with words to represent all the letters of the word. For example: Showing Helpless Animals Respect and Kindness. Was that so hard? This is why no one takes your little nature club seriously – You can’t even come up with an acronym that makes sense. And maybe choosing the king of the ocean that treats seals like chewing gum isn’t the best mascot. Again – why could you assholes just not have joined PETA? Their acronym isn’t even an acronym, they aren’t trying to fool anyone.  And then I would only have to hate one activist group. I hope the droid cost SHARK this year’s entire budget based on everyone’s $20 membership fee and one of the hillbillies has it mounted on his wall next to an endangered bird.

If we can start an activist group that doesn’t need an acronym that means something – Pharro and I are starting FUATA – Fuck You Animals Taste Awesome. Who’s with us? I know Puff Daddy is…

 

This video is also meant to help those choosing between PETA and SHARK – your choosing between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Good luck with the life decisions.

Thanks to Tim for the link

 

 

now it’s getting personal

By
November 17, 2011
"news", opines
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how delicious does real turkey look?

We can all argue about things being “so American”, but honestly, what was one of the first traditions in America? Turkey on Thanksgiving. Now these PETA activists assholes are attacking a town for using the word “Turkey” as their name — of all times, in November.

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has asked the mayor of Turkey, Texas to change the name of his town to “Tofurky,” a vegan turkey alternative.

So you want a town who has less than 500 residents and the only cool thing about their town is the name to change it to Tofurkey? This town has nothing, the majority of the town lives below the poverty line and their cool town name is all they have going. I’m pretty sure they’re just paying homage to turkeys, not promoting the eating of them. So whats your real agenda PETA? Do you not want people to even think about Turkeys?

Anyways… Lets get some things straight :

1) No one likes tofurkey. I’m not even sure vegans actually like it, they just know they can’t have the real thing so mixed cardboard powder and some other shit to concoct tofurkey. It is not turkey. I don’t care if it “tastes similar” (I’m sure it doesn’t) and you will never convince us (the American public) otherwise. Stop forcing your hippie ideals on everyone, if we want to eat turkey like they did at the first Thanksgiving, tough shit. You want to stop people from whaling? Fine, but thats in Japan. Leave the people of Turkey Texas alone.

2) Next time you want to give an incentive, don’t offer a tofurkey dinner to the entire town. What makes you think that anyone would go for that?

“Kids…this year we’re not going to make a turkey. Some hippies are going to come by in their electric minivans and drop of Tofurkey!”

How un-American does that sound? Did I go into a coma and this is now Canada? How about you throw away the tofurkey and drop off the rest of that meal at a homeless shelter. Seriously if you want to make a positive difference in this world do that — don’t force your bullshit ideals on people.

3) This is NOT like people wanting to change the name of sports teams from “Scalping Savages” or anything — those cases are stupid too. I can see if a HUMAN BEING is offended because a name is “offensive”. But if this happens, what is next? Are the Detroit Tigers stripped  of their name because Tigers are endangered? Do we really care that much about animals? I’m pretty sure Turkeys are not intelligent animals and their only purpose in life is to be delicious and to breed before that so there can be more delicious birds.

PETA, I hate you. Always have, always will. You serve this world no purpose other than providing me with (now daily) ammunition to rip you apart with. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

Reason 54532 I hate PETA

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November 15, 2011
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As you might notice there have been quite a few reasons that have piled up since Reason 54397 I hate PETA but I think this one might take the cake. Aside from recently accusing Sea World of being slave drivers – these hippies are now taking on Nintendo. In their latest well thought and logical move they are saying that Super Mario promotes wearing fur. Which leads me to a few points:

1) The animal Mario kills in the game (Super Mario Bros. 3) is a Japanese dog-like animal called a “tanuki”. Prior to reading this article I had never heard of a tanuki nor had I contemplated killing one to wear for fur. Tanuki are about the size of a badger (roughly) – so the idea of someone killing one to wear a suit of is ludicrous. You’d have to kill at least six tanuki for a legit tanuki suit. Also – now I want a tanuki suit to wear to a PETA rally.

2) The suit gives Mario the ability to fly – so are these animals magical? Ok if they can fly and give you the power to fly, they I understand PETA wanting to protect them. BUT there is no way that wearing the skin of this raccoon dog makes you fly – I’m assuming every kid in America (can’t say for certain about Japan) knows that Mario is not a real person, does not really kill an animal and only wears this fake suit for its fake powers. Again – stupid hippies.

3) This game came out in 1988. 23 years ago. So for 23 years…Mario has been murdering these poor defenseless tanuki while PETA stood by and did nothing. Why would they decide to bring this up now? They must be running out of things which is the only good thing I see coming from this. If you start digging things up from 1988 to be pissed off about … your life (or in this case their organization) is on its last leg.

At least the whales are actual living animals – What’s next? are they going to be pissed at Disney for killing a rabid Old Yeller? Or John Lithgow for striking Harry in Harry and the Hendersons? Give me a break – and the next time you want to take on a video game character – don’t choose the most popular and beloved one of all time. Get a life douchebags.

Time to go cook a cheeseburger.

Thank you big cousin for the link.

why are no obvious lawsuits filed?

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November 10, 2011
opines, television
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It seems people file stupid lawsuits for everything these days — but you never hear about the obvious ones being filed. You may remember the idiotic PETA article from a few weeks back about whales being slaves … glad to see that got somewhere. Now maybe this commercial might only air on my TV because I’m in Waco, home of Dr. Pepper. But how is no feminist filing a lawsuit about this?

If someone is going to file a lawsuit about McDonald’s coffee being too hot, how has no uptight woman filed a complaint about this? I’ve met one girl who responded, “Oh I think its funny — and its really good” and another who is “offended, but not prepared to do anything.” This has got to be the easiest money ever. I am pretty sure if you brought this one to Jackie Chiles he’d have you swimming in money within seconds.

Very disappointed women of America. Wake up and take the FREE MONEY.

Reason 54397 I hate PETA

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October 26, 2011
observations
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A story on CNN  today says that PETA is currently suing SeaWorld for enslaving Killer Whales. The story goes on to mention that PETA is citing the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution as their basis for filing the suit. The 13th Amendment, for all of you ignorant people, put an end to slavery in the United States.

So I have disagreed with PETA for a while and for a time belonged to a Facebook group called PETA (People for Eating Tasty Animals). I love veal, don’t care the process on how it is made — it is delicious, the ends justify the means and those losers make too many movies trying to convince me otherwise.

Back to the Orcas. Oh yeah, they’re called Orca’s not Killer Whales — so if you’re trying to justify giving an animal rights, I would call it something different than “KILLER WHALE.” Hippies.

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