Junior year of college: A bunch of my friends who studied abroad came back with this smug act of being more cultured than everyone who stayed around campus and like, you know, worked on their careers and shit. They all suddenly become wine connoisseurs and turned away cheap beer because it’s not like the pubs in Ireland or the Weissbier they had at Oktoberfest.
Well, Kyle Bass says fuck you.
"Have fun overseas! I'll just be here making money."
You’d probably reply, “excuse me, who are you?” But Kyle wouldn’t have time to answer because he’s too busy blowing up beavers who try to get all up in his private water supply and fuck with his million dollars worth of nickels. That’s right, Kyle Bass has more money in nickels than you assholes who went overseas will have in your entire life. He’s never left Texas, but bet on the fall of Greece, the collapse in Iceland, and the 2008 financial crisis in America. He now has his sights on France. You know France right? That country you visited sophomore year, the one with the rolling hillsides and omg Paris! Remember Paris?!? Of course you do, you took ten thousand pictures of it and put them on facebook with the album titled “Paris, Je T’Aime.”
This is where Kyle blasts on by on his Humvee and screams, “WHERE’S YOUR CULTURE NOW BITCHES? YEAAAAAAAHAAAAAAW!”
Why didn’t all you cultured folks who toured Europe have any idea it was about to go belly up? What did Kyle Bass do so differently than all you ambitious young minds who witnessed the Mona Lisa IN PERSON?
Oh yeah, he used this:
You can even Google other stuff too
See, Kyle Bass wasn’t a moron. He didn’t need a life changing experience to be more open minded. he just assumed that millions of years of evolution of a single species would produce at least some patterns in human nature, and just because some place had a renaissance and another had a revolution doesn’t mean they are suddenly freed from the confines of biology. You ask someone who went to Iceland about the country and they remark the lovely natural heat (not the part about it boiling people alive occasionally) or the incredibly friendly (inbred) people, or the vibrant folklore (they actually believe elves exists and you have to get a guy to come make sure none live under your property). They probably snapped a few “breathtaking” photos of the landscape too. Then you say something like, “Hey did you know the leader of the central bank was a trained poet with no financial experience whatsoever?” They go, “Huh?” You reply, “Yeah, he’s one of the reasons Iceland went under and lost the Krona. He’s a moron.” They look back at you and nod, but go onto another story about backpacking through Greece. You say, “Hey isn’t it weird that nobody in Greece paid their taxes for twenty years and the government didn’t do anything about it?” They look back, more confused now, but continue, “Oh and the monasteries are beautiful, especially in Meteora, which most Americans think is just the name of a Linkin Park album, yuk yuk yuk…”
Kyle Bass speeds by again, yelling, “THOSE DAMN MONKS DUN FUCKED THEMSELVES, GOLLLEEEEAAAAAAH”
I wonder how many people down in the Occupy Wall Street Movement went overseas during college, “found themselves” and airmailed a new personality back to the states with the intention of changing the world only to find themselves unemployed and waiting for sign making to become a lucrative profession. Shit, that won’t work cause THIS FUCKING DUCK already got that job.
You trying to suck me?
Fucking duckies. I knew we shouldn’t have let them into the country. Oh and fuck you Robin Williams, don’t think I forgot about this little diatribe:
Yeah, you’re just bitter your wife farted and then died and for some reason that means you can only work at a community college with a bunch of morons even though you have an Ivy League education. Eh, you’d probably just start some stupid club like the dead poets or something and tell all your students to live life to the fullest and shit. They’ll probably all go overseas at some point too.
The cycle continues.