Sam Harris, whom i guess you could call one of the world’s leading atheists, wrote this kindle single:

lying

 

This is the only line worth being honest about here: This book fucking sucks. 

Luckily, it will only waste like ten minutes of your time. Sam has degenerated into the atheist version of Mitch Albom, writing retrospectives nobody asked for about topics he’s not qualified to touch upon.

And the basic argument is this: Lying never works out.

His examples range from painfully obvious to fucking retarded. His anecdotes are like, “One time my wife didn’t like this person and said it in front of my kid and then when the person came over and the wife was acting all nice, the kid said: But mommy, u said you didn’t like that person.”

AWKWARRRRRRD.

So, in case this happens to you, don’t even fucking lie.

Yo, fuck sam harris. seriously. Lying is the number one thing that gets people where they want to go. There are like five jobs out there right now where lying does not get you ahead. And those jobs suck. Here’s a list of jobs you can’t have if you are not going to lie:

Mechanic.

Politician.

Entertainment Industry person.

Doctor.

Lawyer.

Manager of anything.

The job you currently have.

Don’t believe me?? Well then. here comes an anecdote! One time I lied about whether or not I liked someone, that person then gave me a million dollars and I’m fucking happy as hell!

See? Because it’s an anecdote, it must carry over to every aspect of my argument.

Have you ever noticed how useless anecdotes are? The only reason we like them is because human beings are constantly creating false narratives. We are pattern seekers, and anecdotes fill in the gaps when things get too complicated, like on the vast subject of lying. It’s not our fault, we just don’t have the mental capacity to take in reality as it is, and in that sense, we are lying to ourselves every minute of every day. Sam Harris should know this, he’s a fucking neuroscientist.

Here’s what the book should be called: Lying is fine, just own up to shit if it fucks you and apologize when you’re wrong or get caught. He tries to argue that it’s harder to maintain a web of lies than a web of truth. Which makes total sense because…there’s like nobody out there doing that. That would fucking stress you out. For every one friend who might appreciate you being honest about their lack of talent or ugliness, there’s ten others who will call you an asshole and won’t speak to you again. Believe me, I call people out way more than anyone I know, and I still am at like 25% truth capacity. Jesus, 100% truth would be fucking miserable. You couldn’t do anything without being punched in the face or fired.

He argues that lying erodes relationships. That’s wrong. What erodes relationships is that people are too ignorant in the first place. I know a ton of people who have cheated on their boyfriends or girlfriends and their significant other does not know about it. So, by the property of “I’m not the fucking exception,” I can safely assume at least one or two of my former girlfriends has cheated on me and I don’t know about it. This is called living in reality. Being honest isn’t going to help you in reality. Being less ignorant will.

Honesty is not a virtue. It is a tool, just like good sex, money, teamwork, and compromise to improve your life. Use it when you need to. It will not set you free. What will set you free is figuring out what the fuck you want out of life and more importantly, avoiding the shit you don’t want. That’s about it.

STAY HOT.

 

It seems the internet is one big 24 hour news cycle for Daft Punk and their release of Random Access Memories (I’m looking at you Pitchfork.) If you haven’t heard the ‘robots’ – a term used by every blog since seemingly humans can’t craft epic club bangers – the new trend appears to be the merging of ’70s disco/funk hooks with modern computerized beats and vice versa. One group that was ahead of this was DFA’s Holy Ghost!. Unsurprisingly, they have slipped out new single “Dumb Disco Ideas” amid the hoopla surrounding Random Access Memories. As DFA Tweeted, “dumb disco idea #1 – release brand new single called “dumb disco ideas” day after world gets new daft punk stream. They will also be releasing new album Dynamics assumingly not in the shadow of Daft and are embarking on a tour with New Order this summer. Check out “Dumb Disco Ideas” above and also my favorite track from RAM titled “Doin’ it Right.” Then take a look at the weekly rotation playlist after the jump.

Read More

Vampire Weekend and the National both have released new material (and fun videos) this week leading up to their new albums Modern Vampires of the City and Trouble Will Find Me (I’m sure by the titles, you can figure out which is which.) Both are solid releases. Both are typical to each band’s general aesthetic. Vampire Weekend steer a bit from their tried-and-true formula with “Ya Hey” (get it, yahweh, like first single “Diane Young”… dying young…) with some vocal modifications that after a few listens actually become very catchy – which, *spoiler alert*, also feature prominently on the new album.

Anyways, enjoy the new videos above and this week’s playlist for some summery electro-pop to guide you into the weekend.

Read More

For the last ten years, music people have commended me on my ear, and we’re not talking run of the mill dorm guitarists here, we’re talking people currently on the Billboard charts. To me it’s simple, and I’ve gone into detail about it here, but now I want to talk about why musicians don’t understand music very well. Case in Point: this dog shit album.

Phoenix-Bankrupt-600

Phoenix, in a long line of indy crossover success, has managed to follow up the album that made them famous by taking FOREVER to come out with another album that’s ten times as shitty.

This is now happened to Passion Pit, MGMT, Outkast, John Mayer (yes, clarity was a good album, fuck your self-consciousness), Matt and Kim, and many others in the last decade, and there’s a through-line that we should follow to expect more.

The answer is time.

As a rule of thumb, the longer a band takes between their album after the one that made them famous, the shittier it will be. The obvious reason is that they’re completely ignoring the formula that made millions of fans pay for their shit and try way too hard to be artists.

But here’s the thing. we don’t want you to be. we want you to do that thing you did that we like.

Yes, we, the consumer. the people who pay for or steal your content. the people who dance and sing along to your concerts. We owe you nothing, and if you think 45 minutes of entertainment gives you the right to come out with a shitty album four years later, FUCK YOU.

The Beatles became famous in 1963. Depending on how you count it, they had six albums before Rubber Soul. SIX FUCKING ALBUMS of the same shit that made them famous. They didn’t switch it up until they knew the audience was ready to let them. They deserved to change it up. You don’t, fucking MGMT. Hey Phoenix, stop bitching about how weird life is now that you’re famous. We aren’t famous. We don’t give a shit. Play the fucking cool songs you did before and write new ones like it. John Mayer? Fuck you a hundred times. Passion Pit? You bipolar loser, get out of your own head and hit the buttons on the keyboard and make fire jams. WE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU AS AN ARTIST, WE CARE ABOUT LISTENING TO MUSIC WE LIKE.

When are musicians going to get their fucking heads out of their own asses and realize this? This is the major thing i hate about art. It’s so much a fucking faint so that people can continue doing whatever they want to. They label it “expression” or the “need to create” but in reality, you just want to do whatever the fuck you want to do and that’s it. the biproduct might be some fire jams, but you have no cosmic need to impart your neural connections onto the world. the truth is you just don’t want to lift a finger doing what someone else wants.

So, like i said, fuck you. Musicians always complain about the lack of fan loyalty. THEY ONLY WANT TO HEAR THE SINGLE WAHHHHH.

Yeah. play that single. or how bout this? i listen to your shitty b sides, and then later you come over to my house and sit through my demos. or my math test. What’s that? No deal? okay fucker, i’ll just stay home when your band rolls into town.

One more problem with musicians: They don’t seem to understand how easy music is. You’re not ushering in a new era by playing a Cadd9 and then a G chord. it’s even easy to prove music is easy. Can a beginning architect design the Empire State Building? Can a beginning tennis player hit a 130 mph serve? No? Well, can a beginning guitarist play most of the songs in the top 20? YUP.

Why’s that? Oh, because music is easy. the music that made you famous is a fucking cake walk. I don’t care if you can shred on guitar, I want good songs, and that’s it. If you shred during the bridge, all the better, just don’t fucking shred during a shit walk departure album where you brought in the Nigerian Chorus and made a documentary about it.

Jesus. I sit in a writers room all day and we spend most of the time figuring out what is going to make the show better, and by better I mean more entertaining, more in depth, more interweaving storylines. That’s actual work.

Musicians just play what they like and bitch and moan when we don’t feel the same way. They have this ultra-subjective attitude about everything and wonder why they can only stay popular for five seconds. NEWSFLASH: it’s because you got lucky. At some point, other people liked what you liked to play, and now they don’t. your refusal to realize that is arrogant and fucking bush league. learn how to entertain. you’re a fucking entertainer.

stay hot.

 

 

 

 

Losing a limb sucks, or at least it did, back when you couldn’t get a ridiculously awesome prosthetic leg like you can now.

nah, i'm good.

nah, i’m good.

Whatever these guys are doing, I would definitely say it looks harder if you had both your legs, seeing as it looks painful and tiresome. I mean, do we really need to praise people for overcoming the loss of a limb anymore? Look at this thing: It looks fucking dope.

ah shit, lost my leg. guess i can only look forward to trotting this awesome thing around.

ah shit, lost my leg. guess i can only look forward to trotting this awesome thing around.

At some point we’re going to have to call a spade a spade and not get so googly-eyed when somebody who lost a limb does something amazing. from what i can tell, besides the look of it, everything else seems pretty much workable as far as life goes. What’s the headline then?

BRAVE MAN DEFERS AWKWARD LOOKS TO LIVE NORMAL LIFE. 

For me, this story jumped the shark with Oscar Pistorius, where he proved that amputees can live such a normal life that they even have time to screw it up in some other way. a man who overcame the odds just to fuck it all up!

What are these odds? machines have always out-dueled humans. why would running be any different? people would have a lot more free time if they had less bodily maintenance to do, which brings me to my real point:

WHY THE FUCK DO WE STILL HAVE TO BRUSH OUR TEETH?

We just sent a fucking space ship to mars, we have pants that literally can’t be stained, but we still have to brush our fucking teeth twice a day? AND floss? this sounds like bullshit to me, so i went to the internet. 

Screen Shot 2013-04-28 at 3.57.19 PM

 

google sucks.

anyway, it just seems to me if we can build artificial limbs that we can control with our brains, i think we should be able to replace or coat our teeth with something that, you know, keeps them from decaying. I am not a conspiracy theorist and don’t think cancer was solved 50 years ago by the government, but come ON, it’s fucking HARD TISSUE.

look at this asshole repel basically everything with nanotechnology.

Are you saying we can’t rub this shit on our teeth? this is fucking ridiculous. it’s the 21st century, i should not have to buy toothbrushes and toothpastes with bullshit logos like “ultra-whitening” and “tartar control,” this is flatly bullshit.

The big reason why I don’t want to brush my teeth anymore is because I’m sick of going to the dentist. dentists are weird fetishy assholes and unlike going to a doctor, everything is your fucking fault. tooth decay? your fault. cavity? your fault. root canal? fuck you. then they give the same trope about brushing and flossing and march you off with some goodie bag with no fucking mercury in it. god damn mercury looked cool. that’s probably when dentists because such assholes, when they banned that shit.

 

STAY HOT BREATH.

 

 

Sometimes I’m lazy, sometimes other people just put things into better words – either way, here is a good wite-up on the new track from everyone’s favorite Icelandic post-rockers, Sigur Rós (above) that came out this week.

Sigur Rós opened and closed their Coachella sets with a booming orchestral din that sounded as hard and harsh as just about anything Godspeed You! Black Emperor has done — a blaring confirmation of their January Reddit AMA promise that their forthcoming seventh album. Kveikur is due June 18 on XL Recordings, and we’ve gotten a chance to preview a couple of songs: the lurching “Brennistein” and the apocalyptic titular track. But following that heavier fare, we’re now offered a little respite in “Ísjaki,” which comes with the lyric video above. While the song is certainly intense in its own way, its true strength comes not from bombast but from the inventive percussion and Jónsi’s beautiful birdcall. Ghostly as the new song is — and as creepy as the critters in the clip are — the song itself offers some real uplift, testifying to the broad dynamism we should expect to hear when Kveikur drops.

Aaaannndddd with that, check out this week’s playlist after the jump.

Read More